The Hall of Honored Dead

I've been playing D&D with Vo Minh Mcburney for five-ish years now, meaning I've seen a lot of his ridiculous characters die in a lot of ridiculous ways. He's also a pretty ripping draftsman, which the above video hints at but fails to capture in full glory. The characters seen here are (in order of appearance):

Minhyun: This dude is technically a Warforged Wizard from the 4e game we did, but his origin story rules. He started life as a homunculus created by the evil wizard M'gurk. M'gurk was a transmuter with brain parasites (technically his brain was evolving into another life form trapped in M'gurk's skull -imagine Krang from TMNT. The party eventually battled the Brain Monster that erupted from M'gurk's cranium, which used stats for a Hydra). Minhyun was one of a long line of minions tasked with caring for M'gurk's gross menagerie of monstrosities. Minhyun took pity on a failed experiment named Pest (a constantly mutating pug/ alligator/ dragonfly thing who was supposed to be euthanized), and he raised the creature in secret while he went around absorbing esoteric lore from M'gurk library of magical librams, folios, and grimoires.

Minhyun modified his chest cavity into a kind of pet carrier, and Pest hangs out there when he's scared or tired. When the party met Minhyun and Pest no one was quite sure which one was the wizard and which was the familiar. That is awesome.

Beef Mangoo: A Name Level Fighter from a Mentzer campaign run by my friend Ned. Beef Mangoo's father lost him to an Owlbear in a poker game. Beef was raised by the Owlbear's family, Goldilocks style. Beef helped defeat the Shadow Lord and the Master of the Desert Nomads, he journeyed to one of Mystara's Moons on a sailboat, he has travelled through time, and he helped rescue Uther of Blackmoor from the Comeback Inn. Beef is retired and now runs a nature preserve for Owlbears.

Mandy Mangoo: Beef's fraternal twin sister, the Necromancer Mandy Mangoo had proficiency with the whip and a fondness for Edvard's Black Tentacles. She was from a 3.5 game. She travelled the Outer Planes with the Planar Trade Consortium and laid waste to Castle Ravenloft. I can't remember how she died, sadly. Maybe she's still out there somewhere.

Samuel: Formerly enslaved to the next character down this list, Samuel the Halfling was well practiced in the arts of Starting Shit at Random for No Good Reason and Screwing Up the Big Plan. I loved this l'il guy, who trod the jeweled thrones of Turnip Valley beneath his hairy feet. He met his death via a particularly gnarly roll on a homemade Potion Miscibility Table, taking out several other PCs, some dwarves, a Yeti, and a large chunk of Mt. Gammafrost in the resulting mushroom cloud.

Maglor: All I really remember of Maglor was that he was the Elf who owned Samuel. I believe he died in the Caverns of Quasartron (i.e. Quasqueton).

Steve: 3.5 Lizardman from Paizo's Age of Worms AP. Steve wielded a Spiked Chain, the idea of which is Totally Metal, but the rules for which are just a pain in the ass. Steve ran away from his tribe because of an arraigned marriage. He was duty-bound to marry the Lizard Princess, but his heart belonged to a Bullywug Princess named Gurple. Don't remember exactly how he died, but given the adventure path it was probably Kyuss Worm-based.

Serpent Ghandi: (Mentzer/Encounter Critical mashup) This alien from the Phasic Swamps of Stygia Prime has been covered elsewhere. He's still on tour, his Damnation Van's fuel tank of Wizard Blood is still on "E" and, yes, he's still pregnant with Bee Girl Larvae.

Dirka Dirka Dirka: (Castles & Crusades/3.5) DDD was a Half Orc Ranger with an owl sidekick named Owlberto. Dirka Dirka Dirka is still alive and is the Sheriff of Stillwater, and is proud to report that no woman has been impregnated by any sort of frog creature since he took office.

Anyway, I think this list and the video above give a pretty good justification for why we play this ridiculous game. Note that there are several other players in my games whose PC roster is equally nuts.

The character sheet art was shown last night at Artichoke, which is a monthly DIY gallery/art party run by some friends here in Rip City. I overhead a few people remembering their childhood experience with D&D, which was cool. There was a lot of really great stuff on display, but I got too drunk to capture it as anything but a blur. My inability to show you Team Neeson's future classics "Birth of the Kool Aid Man" and "Nude Celebs: Mayor McCheese & She Hulk" ranks among my life's great failures.